In my previous post, I described several of my “go to” tools for planning and reflecting on coaching conversations. In this post, I want to share two of the language tools I use in partnership meetings. When I focus on language, I can ask more precise questions and model how intention to language is important when we work with students and colleagues. The more precise we are with language, the more impact our language can have!

The first tool is Aguilar’s General Coaching Sentence Stems. This tool is similar to the resource I used when I was first a mentor. When planning for a conversation, having a list of questions from which to choose has helped me get clear on what a colleague might find most useful. I go in with several choices and pick the best one depending on where the conversation leads, what the colleague’s priorities are. I appreciate the categories of questions to zero in on what might be the most useful question and also so that I can analyze what types of questions I ask over time. For example, if I am focused entirely on Directive questions, I need to step back and provide a more open-ended Facilitative question, to show that I trust that my colleague has the answer and can discover it through reflection and/or conversation. Some of my favorite Facilitative and Directive questions include:

1. Facilitative
   1. Tell about another time. What did you try then?
   2. What’s coming up for you? Would you like to discuss it?
   3. What did you do to make the lesson successful?

1. Directive
   1. Some teachers have tried ___. Might something like that work here?
   2. What’s another way you might?  What do you think might happen if?
   3. Who do you need me to be right now? What would be most useful for you?

The Active Listening stems are what led me to coaching in the first place; I worked with a coach/supervisor when finishing my English as a Second Language Licensure and her questioning helped me feel heard, valued, trusted, and challenged to explore and grow as a teacher. The Probing stems are also useful both in 1:1 conversations and in working with teams. I especially like:

• What’s another way you might…?
• What would it look like if…?
• What criteria did you use?

The second tool is one that we developed on my school leadership team, based on The Listening Leader‘s Strategic Listening and Deep Listening. We read the book and provided professional learning to our staff on both types of listening. Strategic Listening was introduced as a way of listening to colleagues, especially during team meetings. Deep Listening was introduced as a way to listen to students, families, and colleagues. It is especially useful with our Focus Student Inquiry Cycles and preparing for Family and Student Conferences. With intentional listening, we also pay attention to what body language conveys/communicates; we remind each other to: Be aware of your facial expressions, body language, how the space is set up, especially seating, and tone-of-voice/tone. Some of my favorite questions/prompts include:

1. 1. How do you know? Does it always work that way? What are some other ways to approach this?
   2. It sounds like there is lots of energy with that idea. Would you like to explore it further?
   3. Can I put an observation/idea out there?
   4. That must be tough. I’m grateful you trusted me to share that.
   5. What I’m hearing you say is…? Am I missing anything?
   6. What are your hopes and fears about?
   7. What might be getting in the way?
   8. What makes you believe you might get that outcome?

I truly believe that deep listening is a key to learning and belonging. When a person feels listened to, they feel seen. When we provide a space for students and colleagues to share their perspectives, their ideas, their stories, we are giving them the greatest gift of all. They feel understood.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

 

When people feel understood, they are in a better place to collaborate, learn, and grow.

Resources:
General Coaching Sentence Stems, Aguilar
The Listening Leader: Creating the Conditions for Equitable School Transformation, Safir