Three months ago I started learning to play the piano. I’m using an app that listens to what I play and gives me feedback. It slows down if I need a slower pace, and has me repeat sections that are difficult. I also get emails indicating if I haven’t practiced in awhile and congratulating me when I’ve completed a practicing streak. Reflecting on this positive experience and how quickly I’m learning to play and reflecting on the conversations in which I have received valuable feedback, I decided to reread and synthesize a few books on giving feedback to educators. Today I will summarize one of the books: Tell Me So I Can Hear You, by Drago-Severson and Blum-DeStefano.

I approach feedback from a coaching lens and recognize that to give and receive feedback, I need to have a safe and trusting relationship with the other person, where we can have honest conversations to challenge each other’s thinking, beliefs, and assumptions. In Tell Me So I Can Hear You (TMSICHY), Drago-Sverson and Blum-DeStafo describe feedback as a

“developmentally orientated exchange of ideas that honors adults’ qualitatively different ways of knowing, and that seeks to build internal and organizational capacity, which helps to improve performance.”

By considering where people are developmentally skills are built, and people build the capacity to manage our most complex challenges. The book offers ten takeaways about feedback, including:

• offer specific, focused feedback individualized for the receiver
• give feedback sensitively and privately, in an objective and nonjudgemental way
• make feedback regular and ongoing, give it in a timely manner, offer support, and follow up on the feedback
• provide time for the receiver to reflect and respond

To build a culture of feedback, encourage a growth mindset and collaborative conversations about improvement. We are all on a learning journey of continuous learning. See out feedback from others, to model your willingness to learn, and that you don’t have all the answers. This work is best done in an environment where people feel “cared for and about,” and understand that we are better together. Check in and check out with each other, reserving a few minutes at the beginning and ending of a meeting to share what feels most pressing. Set norms and clarify expectations for the work or the conversation. Plan for and reflect on both outcomes and processes.

TMSICHY explains four ways of knowing that inform all that we think, see, hear, and understand. These are all context dependent so a person can be at different stages at different times, and these change over time as we grow. It is important to take this into account when giving and receiving feedback. The four ways of knowing are summarized very briefly below:

• Instrumental: tend to be rule followers and want to know what they did in/correctly, feel supported by action-oriented feedback with tangible examples
• Socializing: value opinions of others/society and may appreciate feedback with authentic affirmations
• Self-authoring: can identify their own beliefs and purposes and prefer to have space in order to decide what to do with the feedback they receive, appreciate acknowledgement of their competence
• Self-transforming: often see the way different perspectives can overlap; are able to manage complexity and ambiguity; prefer reflective, collaborate conversations to understand the whole picture

Much more can be learned by reading the book, including how to give feedback to support and encourage growth in both skills and ways of knowing. The article, Tell Me So I Can Hear You, also gives a concise summary.

The important thing is to consider what feels most supportive to/challenging for those we give feedback to. What are their personal needs and preferences? Posing questions about how they make meaning may provide a deeper understanding of the most useful way to provide them feedback and what scaffolds to provide. This information allows one to act with intention.

“Learning about and sharing developmental principles is one of the most powerful ways we can begin to shape our feedback-and our leadership and professional relationships more broadly.”

We also have different ways of giving feedback, depending on the context and way of knowing. An entire chapter of the book is dedicated to this fascinating topic.

In my next post, I will cover framing constructive feedback and bridging feedback into action.

Resources:
Tell Me So I Can Hear You, by Drago-Severson and Blum-DeStefano
Tell Me So I Can Hear You, by Drago-Severson and Blum-DeStefano