The past two posts have focused on feedback based on the book Tell Me So I Can Hear You, by Drago-Severson and Blum-DeStefano. Today’s post will continue the theme of feedback, using the book Thanks for the Feedback, by Stone and Heen. Learning to give and receive feedback are skills that can be, and should be cultivated as we grow as educators. It is important to recognize that both the giver and receiver of feedback are learners in the process. In order to embrace the learning, we need to recognize our feedback triggers.
Truth Triggers. Feedback generally comes in one of three forms: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. Be clear on what type of feedback you are giving/asking for. Stone and Heen define these three types as:
- Appreciation builds relationship and connection and can be used to motivate and thank.
- Coaching is about improving a skill or capability.
- Evaluation is an assessment, ranking, or rating used to inform decision making.
Appreciation that is specific, authentic and clearly understood will be most useful. Clarify definitions/labels and give examples, to avoid confusion. Be aware of blind spots. A blind spot is something others see but the receiver doesn’t yet see. To help see blind spots, help the receiver look for patterns, “hold up a mirror” by audio/videotaping or scripting out an observation, and help them reflect on “How am I getting in my own way?”
Relationship Triggers. Feedback is influenced by who is giving it to us (their credibility, motives, level of respect) and our relationship with the person. Be aware of your relationship and resolve any issues outside of the feedback conversation. Clarify where the feedback is coming from (data-based purpose) and where it is going (goal setting). Avoid “switchtracking,” or bringing another issue into the conversation and getting derailed by the secondary topic. You can agree to talk about the secondary topic at a later time. Recognize that each of us only sees part of the situation, and that we are part of a larger system. Looking at systems helps us find the root cause and reduces judgment while increasing accountability/responsibility. Pay attention to what you are each dong in reaction to each other.
Identity Triggers. Our identities influence how we see ourselves now and in the future, provide the lens through which we see our actions and receive feedback, and influence how we metabolize feedback. The stories we tell ourselves about an event are based on our thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we magnify negatives, overgeneralize one thing to mean all things, and/or future bias (expect that how we feel now we will always feel). Stone and Heen recommend the following to dismantle distortions:
- Be prepared: Mindfully prepare how you will respond.
- Separate feelings, the story you tell, and the feedback. Ask:
- “What do I feel?
- What’s the story I’m telling (and inside the story, what’s the threat)?
- What’s the actual feedback?”
- Contain the story: Focus on the present, the specific feedback (what is this about and what isn’t it about?), and a realistic sense of what might happen next.
- Change your vantage point: Become an observer, look back from the future, and/or add humor.
- Accept that you can’t control how others see you (and that they are not thinking about you as much as you imagine that they are)/
As we approach feedback as learners, a useful strategy is to give yourself a “second score.” When receiving feedback, give yourself a score on how you handle the feedback. You also have the option to firmly reject feedback and state what types of feedback wold be most useful for you at this time; try using an and statement: “I think that makes a lot of sense. And I’ve decide those skills aren’t the biggest priority for me right now.”
Being open to giving and receiving feedback is a transformational tool, leading to personal and systems growth. The adaptive solutions we need for the complex challenges we face in schools come from courageous, collaborative conversations built on a foundation of trust and continuous improvement.
The final chapters of Thanks for the Feedback focus on the feedback conversation. That will be the focus on my next post.
Resource:
Thanks for the Feedback, Stone and Heen